The Specificity that Defines me... and You Perhaps.

Balance is not something you find. It is something you create -Jana Kingsford. 

I am on a journey of self-discovery and honestly, it is never ending. I am now consciously aware of the fact that I like specific things. I like books and this past weekend, I went to CBD with a colleague to get a few.

It was unplanned since we met after church and decided to head to town. I get my books from Nairobi Books which is along Moi Avenue, directly opposite the HH towers. The books are all spread out and you have to comb through the hundreds of them.

I got to the stall and I honestly froze. Too many books and I had no idea where to start as always. I stood and just darted my eyes around. I could see a few titles I had seen great reviews on but they had not really sparked my interest. My colleague had a few titles she got at that time and I was still trying to find one.

Long story short, I did not even get one. Reason, I couldn't find the books I like. well, those are in my interest. When I come across books, I save them on my TBR, on my planner, but this time, the book-getting adventure was spontaneous and a girl did not have the time to take the titles with me. I however already submitted the titles to the shop when I went home. You can imagine my shock when they told me he actually had them. We are getting about three of them next week. Thank God.

The same also applied when I was house hunting. I wanted a house with a specific structure, especially the tiles. I would open the doors and if the tiles were off, I wouldn't even bother looking at other great features of the house.

Clothes, this is even worse. I have spent hours at Gikomba finding very specific clothes in a sea of clothes. Shoes, the same. Food, no difference. Salons, i have very specific hairdressers. You would then say, but Joy life isn't always linear, what do you if your specifics are not there?

Honey, I build my way around it to get my way. I inform my hairdresser even weeks before that I will need their services on a certain date. I will have to confirm the day before so that they can assure me that my spot is still open. The house, I went for hours and settled on a similar(lowkey looking for what I want). Clothes, there is too much variety but we get the specifics or near my specifics. I know you get me.

The specificity however even flows over to other aspects of my life. And honestly, it is limiting. I like french fries. Almost all dates have to have them. Even the fifteen fries you get at Java with quarter chicken and a small coke. Now, I look at all the restaurants in town and realize there's so much Ethiopian, Indian, Chinese, and Mexican food waiting to spark my interest and become one of my specifics.

I do not want to limit myself just because I like certain things. On the other hand, I know I certainly don't like others. What I think I need and I say think because I am still discovering myself, is the balance. They say next to love, balance is the most important thing. I do not want to miss out on things I will grow to love but at the same time, I do not want to waste time on things I will loathe.

Clearly, balance will not be something I will ever find, you too beloved. But it is something I and you will have to create. And this actually creates some type of harmony in the journey of self-discovery.

More power to that.💪