Giving Grace To My Parents/Relatives Changed Everything: In Their Shoes...sort of.

My parents are my lifeline.  My world revolves around them, it has and always will.

My extended family too.

I am closer to my parents now as a grown-up, more than I was as a child. I see why that is. I started treating them as my friends more than my parents.

They are still my parents, but for me, that dictated how I related to them. I would not tell them things about me because the word ' parent' was restrictive.

Of course not everything, everything, but I share more with them. Maybe it comes with age, but it has changed how I relate to them.

There were no rules or limitations for me growing up, I kinda did what I wanted. There was not much to restrict me from because,hellur???, I was literally forever at home. I was and still am kinda predictable. Like if I am not working, I am at home.

With such a lifestyle,  what's there to restrict?

Anyway, it also replicated how we talk to each other. The things I choose to do, and the kind of life I want to make for myself.

As an adult, you really never leave your childhood, or some parts of it. Now late teen, early adulthood, you kinda know who are you.

Your personality is well-established here. You know who you are, of course not entirely because, there are life experiences that may influence that, but right now, where your feet are, you know who you are.

 I like teaching people things my parents included. It is such a high feeling for me when I talk about things I enjoy. However absurd.

I told you, my biggest supporters. Now I teach everyone about anything. Even the books that I read.

Now to grace, my parents are literally just two individuals with dreams and goals. I think about that a lot when they talk about things they want to do.

Sometimes, I think of who they would be if they didn't have kids. Like how different things would be for them. Of course, it would be different but how different?

Like did they know what it takes to be a mom and dad because in my view it never ends. I sometimes feel a bit sad when they think about me. Your life kinda literally revolves around your kids if you have them. I guess. I do not know. I am not a parent.

If I ever become a mom, maybe it will make even more sense.

Now to grace, for real. I got carried away a little bit. I get carried away all the time.

The first thing I learned is patience because they are still figuring things out. I am very outspoken about some issues and talking to my dad especially, I felt as if he did not understand where I was coming from. So it would lead to frustration and I could not wrap my head around it. Like, he is 'just a human' not all-knowing, right?

But a huge part of my life was me believing my parents have answers to everything and we all believe the same things. My teen years especially.

Forgiveness. Yeah, this was huge, really huge. I had to forgive myself and forgive them for things that didn't make sense to me. Oh, it makes sense once you are 23. Or 25.

Support.All types of support.A lot of it.All types of it.

Intentionality. Everything has to be intentional, nothing is a routine. You need to see them and set a time. Sit with them, talk to them, laugh about something, learn something.

For our millennial parents especially, talk to them. I realized this from mine and others, there are some topics that they do not really talk about but indulge in once they are on the table.

They sometimes put them as jokes but pick that up and uncover it. I had an auntie who told me, just two months ago 'We need you(my cousins and I) to start bringing people home. I took that are ran with it and we talked about it.

I was surprised because we had a lot to talk about and we all kinda were on the same page. We expressed our views, fears, and our beliefs on that life and even more in general. We were not far from each other in terms of opinions.

I was/is highly conscious of the fact that their experience in life surpasses my views on such matters. They have walked their journey, they have written their stories and it is only fair that we do ours.

The parallel lines do not meet. However, they can serve as a guide to each other. That space between the lines is where grace lies.

They are literally just people. They were once young boys and girls. Young men who tasted beers at 19. Young girls who had afros and half-inched pointed heels. They had a college life. They were in their twenties. Thirties.

They figured things out their own ways then. They are still trying to carve their lives out. Give them grace. Over and over.

 The auntie, mom, dad, and uncle Mkubwa titles are a bit limiting (to me). Grace just makes things easy because kesho I am Auntie Mkubwa.

Hold up, I am an actual auntie to 1,2,3,4. 4 kids!! I am so blessed. Something to add to the jar of gratitude.

I hope mines someday give me grace too.